A Week Away

So I'm 7 Days away from the end of the 40 days. Sure we cheated on it...a lot actually, but it's not like it would have changed much otherwise. He's trying to prove himself a lot more lately by doing reckless things for me. He says he's going to call my mother at least, and talk to them about how he feels about me and say he's sorry. I know it'll take a lot from him, but I'm not sure how she'll take it. She took my first confession pretty hard and apparently she had no idea. I thought she had every idea..but whatever, she now knows and so does my father. I just wonder what she thought it was...but what does it matter anyways? She's still slapping me in the face over this whole thing and she always thinks I'm being stupid and stubborn. Chris wants me to date another guy for a short time to show my mother that I'm not like that, I just already know what I want/what's best. I don't know how that's going to work out. I don't think I could handle being fake to that guy whomever it turns out to be because I would still be in love with Chris.

I can't wait till the Disney trip though. I'm so excited to get away to somewhere warm and nice...especially the greatness of Disney. I'm looking at getting either a DS or an iTouch to have something to do on the way down there, but I'm not sure my parents will let me/approve of the purchase.

I just finished the anatomy project and I'm prepared to be laughed at by the entire class. Woo. :/

I love you and I hope your competition went well today,
MC

A Few Things You Have To Do

Well I'm compiling a list of videos you need to watch:
1. Flight of the Conchords (any and all of them)
2. Potter Puppet Pals
3. A Very Potter Musical
I'm still working on the rest.

I love you,
MC

Day 30 and 31

Well he showed up to school. I didn't even notice him until my band director pointed him out. My heart stopped. I started to get chest pains and I could barely stop looking at him. I'm sure he can attest to that. :) We played some of the most beautiful pieces ever today...unfortunately no one liked the song I liked the most, "Cloudburst" by Eric Whitacre. It was so beautiful as a choral arrangment and if we could have pulled it off...AMAZING. He and I hung out after drumline and even though we had a few more rough spots than usual, I had a wonderful time.

Today was awesome. I forgot we were getting out two hours early today because of the race. That made my morning. :) Then the school day went by pretty quickly even though I don't like ending the day with Anatomy...especially when we had to do a lot of work. After the South 500, I drove to Aaron's house to work on the anatomy project. I dumbly parked in the driveway because...well I wasn't thinking. He wasn't even there yet and then whenever I had to back out, I couldn't. I had to get him to move his car first...I didn't get to go to Sonic because it was already 3:30 by the time I left Aaron's. I really wanted to go get a drink, but I figured Mom would see me with it and ask where I got it and she would assume I went to Sonic myself and I would get in trouble because she told me not to drive anywhere else but home, school, and Aaron's.

So I have no plans for tonight other than working on some CD ripping (cross your fingers) and enjoying Mexican Friday if my mom ever gets out of the garden. I really want to go to Warriors tomorrow to run, I just have to ask my mother...and I really hope she lets me go because if tomorrow is anything like today, it will be BEAUTIFUL. Perfect morning for a run.

I hope he ends up okay, I know he was dealing with some really tough stuff, and I can't really be there for him like I want to.

I love you,
MC

Day 29

So I forgot about St. Patty's day...suck. I got pinched twice before I enforced the whole I'll kill you if you pinch me thing.

I'm supposed to go to someone's house tonight for church and it doesn't start until 7.

I realized I have to get started on snare earlier than I expected because I want to beat whoever is on the fall line even though I know that will be incredibly hard. I'll have to talk to Mr. Palmer.

My major is starting to become more established because of my 109 on the muscle quiz in anatomy. Dang, I remembered I have to do my part of the project before Friday. I had better get started.

I think I need to stop eating so much. Or find another hobby. Or it needs to be spring already so I can start exercising.

Shopping would work, but then I would run out of money faster. Which reminds me, I need to get a job...or find one at least for the summer. I can't really have one during the fall because of band.

I'm getting a little lonely, but I'm sacrificing. I'm starting to distance myself from compromising situations so I don't hurt Chris, even though I was reminded of a sore spot yesterday. It sucked a lot. It didn't help that I was already pissed off.

I had better go since I can't text him anymore.

I love you,
MC

Day 28

Lesbians are emotional.

Nothing really happened that much today. I don't want to write much, but I guess I have to say SOMETHING.

Physical therapy is looking good right now. The human body really interests me but no one particular area. I don't know of one that includes all of them without involving treatment for diseases. Diagnosis might be more my speed but I really like the muscular system and being able to work out certain areas of my body and know what I'm doing and what human limits are. It's amazing how much our bodies are capable of.

Gotta go look at prom dress designs. The mother-ward is home.

I love you,
MC

Day 27

So B-rad let me see the real Brad. And let me tell you, he made me care about him. He actually told me the truth because his story contradicted a few former stories he told me. I'm worried. He says he wants to get as close to me as possible before Chris gets home on the 8th, which ironically is prom night according to Brad. He did admit that it is a "dog-eat-dog world" inferring that he did lie about Chris cheating on me, but he doesn't want me to think he's a bad person by admitting he lied. A little immature, but I don't want to set him off.

So today was truly a Monday. And by Monday I mean I officially dubbed Mondays "Makeout Mondays" because I saw at least 3 couples making out in the hallways because they missed each other so much because they couldn't see each other on Sunday because it's holy. Oh and it's also a Monday because it was full of crap. One lab and two quizzes. Both quizzes I was totally unprepared for. I was pretty much full of crap all day today. The only thing that brightened my day were the tapes we listened to during 4th. Cymbals got some good comments, but nothing about our super awesome visuals. We never get any credit. The best part...very beginning, "Did you just say Aztec tacos?...it sounded like tacos".

I really want to see New Moon just because it is still my favorite of the saga...maybe I can get Chris to see it with me. And I really want to go to the park this Saturday if possible. Reminds me of a time when going to the park was sacred and perfect...the water so clean and pure inbetween my feet and toes. I doubt he can remember.

I love you,
MC

Day 25 and 26

More than halfway through this...WOOO!
I can do this...and if I can't call him or text him, I'll have Facebook.
Yesterday we got thrid. I'm happy because we medaled. We still have a lot of work to do and I hope everyone (including me) buckles down. I'm looking through the pictures and I'm really happy with my overall facial expressions at parts. My last one...quite scary. I'm sure the people in the front row peed their pants. No doubt.

I hope he's doing okay, we haven't been able to talk much because he's really busy and of course, I can't call or text him. I hope May 8th comes fast and or he'll try and get on Facebook after Easter.

Brad hasn't given up yet. He wanted to ask me out today and I told him I would say no because I'm with Chris. He said we're really not together and I said we don't want to be with anyone else so why waste our time dating other people? He continues to be relentless. He calls me crazy and he thinks I'm afraid because I know I'll find someone better than Chris....I think he's the crazy one. If I knew I could do better, I wouldn't be with Chris. Or better yet, I don't want anything better, if such a thing exists. I'm sure Brad just can't comprehend someone not wanting him.

I'm strong...fierce. I can handle this immature boy. As long as I don't put Chris and him together, everything will turn out fine.

I love you,
MC
P.S. Look at Mrs. Hogue pictures from the Virginia High competition.
Appreciate your woman being beastly. :)

Day 24

So today was my last day with him until May 8th...yeah that long until I get to see him again if at all. And then he has to be awesome and go be in Spirit towards the end of May. I'll still be in school as far as I know so hopefully I won't have to try that hard to see him.

It didn't feel like I got to see him that much. I left lunch early to go see him in the gym and I saw him until he left during 4th. Of course, I was in front of people basically the entire time when we were together but that's okay, it still felt like a wave upon the sand. I don't even get to text him or call him..I might send him one text to comfirm my number (I wasn't sure what it was) but other than that until Easter, this is my only form of communication other than ESP. :)

Brad is still threatening to beat up Chris or "get his face broken in" as Brad likes to call it. He thinks he's in love with me or crazy about me and I just think he's crazy. He think he can get me by bashing Chris both physically and verbally but it only makes him look immature. He just now said that me running away from him is worth it if he could beat Chris up..which doesn't make any sense to me at all. If he loved me, he would do everything he could to keep me close to him not push me away...he must not be as smart as his test scores say he is. He also says that he's wanted to beat Chris up ever since he's known him. Which also makes no sense.

I'm looking forward to the competition tomorrow even though my mom might be driving and staying for it. We have to be at the school later than originally planned and that doesn't phase me much. I'm a morning person anyways. You wouldn't believe it if you knew me.

I was practicing piano after school and I felt dumb because I was practicing some stupid western sounding song. And then Ted had to come in and be a jackass (hate this obnixious being). You know what, at least I'm trying. And that's all that matters.

OMG I forgot to give Chris his other bracelet I made him! I got so caught up in spending time with him...dang it. He really would have liked that one too..."IM ON A (insert boad bead here)". I think I'm adorable. Slightly. :)

I love how it looks outside...nice and DARK. Like a rain. Sarah's supposed to have friends over later which means I basically get no sleep. WEE. And I really want to find a new hairstyle for tomorrow other than the one I had because I want to be able to look nice without taking it out. Hard when you've been rompin' through the jungle for 34835 days. :)

Well, I need to go. Tacos and Ben & Jerry's are calling my name..."Maaaarrryy...MAAARRRYYY".

I love you,
MC

Day 21, 22, 23

So I have been getting really lazy with my blogging because we've been seeing each other all week. He's on spring break and so far, nothing has made me doubt how I feel about him. Sure, we've had differences of opinion, but nobody that has the same opinion should be together. You need a little black and white to make a perfect match. Chris and I are not completely black and white, but we do have our differences and I think it's wonderful or else I would never be the person I barely am today.

I'm so looking forward to spring break, I'm already looking at some boy shorts and I saw some really cute ones at JCP. I just need them for the water park but I have a few one pieces so I can just put on the shorts over them. I know what he wants me to wear, but I don't believe I want that coming up on me when I'm sliding down that...thing you want me to ride. I can't remember what it's called...OH Summit Plummet. I win. But yeah, no tankini for that cracker.

So I learned some interesting things today. It's all about control in a relationship, and I believe Chris and I have it. Or at least one of us have it..and that's all we need at one time. If both of us have it, perfect. If neither of us have it, we're screwed (no pun intended). I think if we wait long enough, it'll be even greater and more rewarding and better for the both of us. That is if my parents will let Chris and I see each other ever again....I hope this will work out. Especially after I won't see him for 2 months. :( Even though I'll have Williamsburg hopefully, drum major camp, hopefully, and I want to go to my grandparents' for my usual summer week there. I also want to tour Union while I'm there if I don't get to see it during spring break because I'll be on the trip the second half of that week.

Phew. That was a lot for not typing anything in a long time.

I hope he gets back on soon to read and comment on all these.

I love you,
MC

Day 18, Mary's Ugliest Day Ever (Day 19), and Half of Day 20

Alright, so we didn't really get that much done on Friday practice-wise I thought. We watched a video of the show in 4th and it wasn't that good to be honest. I saw enough mistakes of my own, I knew that other people had to have some too. Our feet are still awful, and I feel like we need to take time out of practice in class or after school to work on feet to get them together, because that might be something that killed us on Saturday. Ashley got obsessed with the tacos we ate, and I hate it when my taco has a baby, BIRTHDAY, and never eat stale Junior Mints. You're welcome Ashley. We didn't get to sleep until about 10:30 listening to Moonlight Sonata on repeat. I'll admit, every once in a while, it's okay, but over and over trying to get to sleep isn't healthy.

I was plenty awake for practice despite the 4 hours of sleep I was running on. Marcus was going crazy with the fact that we didn't know the flow chart and we were tired of taking the floor on and off and I was tired of getting told what to do by freshmen. Now I know what they felt like when I was a freshman. UGH. Hated it. I couldn't sleep at all on the bus, but I did rest. Until we ate breakfast, on the bus, it got crazy trying to do everyone's hair and makeup. Mr. Palmer thought my hair was one of the better ones, but it was ugly. My face was ugly with all that paint on, and I hated Chris seeing me like that. But when I was around him, he made me feel like I wasn't wearing any paint, and that I wasn't ugly. I felt pretty even when I knew I wasn't. Nobody told me when they were going to see Odessey warm-up so instead I had to stay and watch some other lame drumlines. I'm still bitter over them not telling me they were going. I still had my makeup on when Odessey walked on the floor, and previously Kerr had joked with me saying "LOOK IT'S ODESSEY" and it was unreal how my heart stopped. Unfortunately, he was just kidding and Odessey came on after that drumline.

When I looked for him when they first came on, and I didn't see him. I started to get desperate, frantically looking for him. Then, I saw him. I saw the passion and heart he put into that show. He was so natural and beautiful out there performing and I only pulled my eyes away from him once to glance at the cymbals because of their shiny-ness and then they were back on him. Parts of my body were quaking and shaking in uncontrollable ways, and I felt like I was seeing him on a whole different level. Like when I first saw him back in 8th grade. Kinda weird, he was performing a drumline show at my middle school. Him performing is just so unbelievably beautiful to me and I don't know why...ugh, I can't get over it. You can't get any closer to him if you tried until you see him put his heart into a performance or show...even though he claims it was all for me. You can't comprehend how special and wonderful and important it made me feel. I was joyous and happy for him and me being such a vital person in his life if I truly am that much to him.

The bus ride home was lonely without him. I still had his things because we didn't make finals. Hopefully he'll see me during his spring break, but I'm never sure of when he'll show up. My makeup wouldn't come off all the way at McDonald's, so I looked like a chimney sweep until I got home. In fact, I scared Chase because he forgot I still had my makeup on. When I got home, I looked like I had been through everything, and I felt like I had. A couple world wars in fact. I took the rubber bands out of my hair and began to lay the petroleum jelly on my face. It worked quite nicely actually and my face was really soft after that. The gel and glue came out easier than I thought it would and I went straight to bed after the shower.

Mom woke me up at 7:40 today to go to early service. I considering faking sick because I knew Kerr would go to late service. But I manned up and went. Mom got mad at me because my shirt had words on it, but it just said "true beauty". Big deal. Kerr did go to late service, and we had some new people in our Sunday school class. Haven tonight in our fellowship hall, not sure if Sarah's going, but I hope not. We prayed around the outline of our new church, and we finally got all our property debts paid off.

I get to get my license on Tuesday since I'm not taking the ACT but I'm sure we'll have drumline. My dad is taking me and I really need to pass because I'm tired of people driving me around. But I might not even be able to drive right away because we only have my mom's van, my dad's car, and the Swagger Wagon, which I do NOT want to drive the Swagger Wagon. Because that's exactly what it does. Swagger. And it smells bad. And it's 17 years old. And some of the seatbelts are not functional. Maybe Dad will get a new car and give me his old one. At least that's what I've heard. I drive his car the most anyways, and I'll be driving it for my test. I hope I can remember to go under the speed limit though. :)

I love you (definitely more than you),
MC

Day 17

I was doing the last part of my anatomy project yesterday and I was listening to some piano music playlist I had and this song came on that absolutely made me want to cry, and it made all of this pain and effort worth it.

It's fondly called "Moonlight Sonata". And my boyfriend has played it for me so beautifully before. And the passion behind the composer that motivated him to write such an incredible and moving piece...makes it so much easier to carry on. And that's exactly what I plan on doing. If God wants the two of us together, He'll tell my parents how important Chris is to me. And I believe that if they won't accept that now, I'll just have to wait for him. And if for some reason, God doesn't want us together, then we'll stop loving each other. End of story. If Christopher stops loving me then we know it can't be right. If I stop loving him then we know it can't be right. Quite frankly, I don't see that happening right now, but it could once time continues to tick away and my parents don't allow me to talk to him. But I always find a way if he wants to talk to me as well.

Most exciting and wonderful news of the day: I'm not pregnant.
I got my period today, and I've never been happier to receive it. I wanted to badly to rub it in my mother's face, but I knew that would be wrong, and she has the right not to trust Chris and I to be careful. I understand that I guess.

My wrist still hurts like hell. It can't be carpal tunnel because I always type this much. Maybe it's because I always hold the cart when we put up the mat...it can do some weird things to my wrists, but it's only the right one that's hurting.

So, we were out of school today, even though someone hacked into the Sullivan County system and sent out an early text declaring that we were out, and then they scratched that, and said we were on a regular schedule, then at 5:25, they re-closed the schools. I think it was mostly because they wanted to find the mole in the system. Sullivan County is plotting to steal my spring break as well, even though for the majority of it I will be in Orlando. :)

Drumline got a lot done today, the passion and funness and excitment of the show is starting to pick up and I'm excited about what we can do.

After tomorrow's practice, Ashley's supposed to come over to sleep over to have a hemp party and Dylan and Chase want to come over for tacos. I don't know if Mom will approve/have enough because Gracie's supposed to come home for spring break.

I love you, and I might not be able to talk to you via Ashley tomorrow because of my mother's rules. Apparently not even talk ABOUT you, but whatever, I might just do it anyways.
MC

Day 16

Well I'm sitting at home working on my anatomy because I really didn't want to talk to Josh Kerr about Aryn, because whenever I say something about her he just has to say something mean about Chris, which is for the majority, not true.

I might be getting my phone back on Saturday, if only for the weekend. I might not get it back by then because my mother now knows that he will be there. I'm trying to be completely honest with my mother, and she asked, so I told her he would be performing there. She started making accusations and I shot down all of them. He probably won't even have time to see me, so it's more like it would be worse that he would be so close, and me not be able to see him or talk to him.

I've been told a lot lately how cold I am. Mainly my hands. Maybe they just need someone to hold them...and he's not here to do that.

I really have a lot to do for him before Saturday. I want Ashley to sleep over on Friday even though we have to be at the school at 3:50 IN THE MORNING. Plus hopefully we'll have a hard practice so we can get to sleep at like 7. Not much of a sleepover especially from 5:30 to 7, but...if we can't get right to sleep we'll talk. I'm sure of it. If my mom will even let her come over. Shlee can get pretty loud, so I'll have to lay down some ground rules before she comes over if she does. I want her to, but Mom might not be in the mood. I might not be. I'm not exactly sure yet.

WE GOT NEW CYMBAL STRAPS TODAY!!!! AHHHHH!!! SABIAN!!!! Even though the straps are good, Sabian cymbals aren't as good as Ziljian. But Sabian's straps are SWEET. I'm so excited. And Aaron's will stop falling out and almost hitting my foot.

I should probably get started on those projects for Chris, the 3rd part of my anatomy project, and my Bible studies...WOO.

"So tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love?..." "Yeah, all the time."

I love you,
MC.

Day 15

Well today was pretty much freaking awesome. A few glitches here and there, but it's all pretty sweet. We were on a 2 hour delay, and I could so do that for the rest of the year, and still get those counted as full days. No math lab either, cause of that 100! Physics was fun even though I made up more than a quarter of the answers because they wouldn't match up. Hey, science is all about the imaginary anyways. Or is that math...? Pre-Cal was okay, I didn't do the homework again. I probably won't tonight. We licked envelopes in Anatomy and did a study guide. Lunch was actually really cool because I saw something I sort of enjoyed on the inside, but it was an odd elation, so I'm not sure I should share. I didn't really like the girl, so I guess I'm a little biased, but it still made me happy because it had to do with something that happened the day before, but..I felt awesome. Band I spent doodling on Erica's face. The most common comment I received on my work was "she looks like an Incredible". Which was true, but I felt like I did a good job. When I did Colby's face before practice, a ton of his eyebrow hairs were coming off and it kinda made my day as well. We changed a few things that even I thought was awkward, and people are starting to pick up the performance moods and emotions that we need to portray. Mr. Palmer pointed out a few individuals that were giving 110% and I was one out of three. I just need to do it all the time. I would drop it at some points and then really give it at others, and I just need to turn it on and keep it on. I'm not sure if I can do it at the less intense parts though. I just need to be an example for everyone else and I feel like that would be a really good way to be a leader in the drumline, which is something I would like to be. I don't really like having the title though. It makes people expect something from me. And I would rather surprise people instead of them just expecting it from me.

Can I rant for a second? I think I will. I ABSOLUTELY HATE people that sit out thinking they're making a difference by doing it. Cough cough ARYN KING. She's doing NOTHING sitting on her ass. She thinks she is choreographing moves by sitting there and watching us march when I see and no one sees any results from it. She's nothing but a bitch. She expects to get the starring role simply because she "deserves" it. From what? Her pity party in her head? Full of shit she is. She's told people she's only ever sat out of 2 practices. BULL SHIT SENSOR IS GOING CRAZY. She's sat out of at least 5. Her not marching like the rest of us, is a bit destroying and unfair. I want to go up to her an chew her ass out. I want to tell her to stop being a baby and PRACTICE. Cymbals never took practice time to do visuals or dance sequences. We took our own time, or class time. She just makes me so mad how she thinks she's hot shit when she's NOTHING. Replaceable. And she thinks her opinion is so important too. It's NOTHING. Ugh...off my rant now. I just want to take her out so badly. But the most I would do is a verbal beatdown. My fists are too important. Oh and my wrist hurts really badly by the way. Cymbal-ness...

Cat wars have continued over food. Addie - 5, Toby - 0. :)

I love you (even though we didn't talk),
MC

Day 14.5

I just signed up for the ACT...scary stuff. Good thing I have until June 12 to study. Hard core stuff. All summer it's going down. My dad said I should be taking it next week but he never gave me back my voucher. Oh well. More time to fail. :)

Still love you (hope I do better than a 27 :P),
MC

Day 14

Well I feel a lot better today, even though I am currently experiencing some odd cramps or stabbing pains in my general torso area. I guess I should cover the general gist of today though. I had to endure the awful argument between my mother and sister over her not-dress-code pant suit...it was stupid. She expected to walk out of the house without my mom saying something when it was more than halfway up her thigh. Oh the wonders of freshman stupidity.

My hair was more than unmanagable so I had it up in a ponytail all day. :( I made a 100 on my math quiz. William asked me what I made, so he wouldn't feel stupid. You can guess that he felt stupid after that one. Even though he did get like a 31 on the ACT. Which is RIDICULOUS. I can't handle this...

We signed up for classes in 4th period today. My senior year. I can't believe it. I still feel so young. My schedule is SOOO unbelieveably full. AP Cal (both semesters), Chem 2, AP English, Band (both semesters), French 3 (if they have it), WORLD FREAKING HISTORY BECAUSE THEY REFUSED TO GIVE IT TO ME FRESHMAN YEAR SO I WILL NOW BE IN A CLASSROOM FULL OF STUPID FRESHMEN. My optionals are general theatre and culinary 1. I don't even care what they'll be because I already know next year is going to be hard. Harder than most senior schedules. Especially some current seniors taking two math classes in one semester.

I tried to talk to him today, but he was in class the only time that I could. Hopefully, I should be getting my phone back soon but that doesn't mean that I'll be using it to talk to him. I don't want to get it taken away again when I can always use Facebook to talk to him. I hope I could get it back before Easter, but I doubt that will happen...sucks.

Sarah's a brat. End of story. If the tiara fits. Which it does.

Still am prom date-less. Kerr suggested Dylan B. yesterday, but I'm not so sure about that. I might just not go this year. It's some lame theme anyways.

Well, off to my anatomy project.
I love you,
MC

Day 13

All I feel right now is nausea. I just want to crawl in my bed and die. Somehow I still feel like if I do that, it'll just get worse. I'll probably have to throw up sometime tonight/early tomorrow. I hate this stupid sickness. I hate it. I just wish I could be like the majority of other people. I wish it wasn't genetic. I just...want it to be done and over. Coupled with my fear of pregnancy, this isn't looking so hot, speaking of which, I might have a fever right now. I'm starting to heat up. I can't stand this. I just want someone to hold me and take care of me. I feel sick and unhappy. 13 is not a lucky number. I hope his day went better. And I hope he knows it's the end of February, and cops are always on the lookout to catch up on their quota. It happened here, so it has to be happening all over. I'm sorry it had to happen to him other than someone more convienent, but that's just how things work sometimes. I might elaborate more on my day today tomorrow, but I just don't feel up to it. I had planned on getting in the shower right now to see if it would ease the suffering, but my sister just jumped in the bathroom. Joy.

I still love you (even if I might be throwing up; take it gross or not),
MC

Day 12

So…I think overall, today was half and half.

Mother woke me up around 8 to go to Wal-Mart/JCP…basically to do some shopping and to get my hair cut. The waking-up-at-8 part didn’t make me very happy but I figured people had it worse off than me so I just sucked it up and got ready. I attempted to do my hair but of course, nothing could be done. I put on my fearless pants that made me look like a stoner/hippie/hooligan and walked out my bedroom door. At JCP I saw all the brightly colored prom dresses, and thought, “Hey, I probably won’t be going to prom this year. No one in the whole school wants to go with me that the feeling is mutual or I’m too chicken and lacking self-confidence to ask anyone I consider out of my league. This is the majority of people”. So I just scoffed at the neon infested dresses and told myself I would never wear hot pink again. More or less that day was why I have begun my hatred of the color. Moving on, my haircut at Wal-Mart has proved a giant success…once I got home and re-fixed it myself. I seem to do that after about every haircut I get. I felt better after that because I like the special attention I get from the hairdresser, even though I’m sure they don’t like working with my hair that much.

We got home around 11 and I changed outfits like 3 times before I could even remotely decide what to wear to Beth’s party. One made my bulge rear its ugly head and the other had already been debuted at another party. I went a little unconventional and when I got there and stepped in the door, no one said anything. No one noticed or cared about the haircut or my odd outfit. Oh well, that’s not the interesting part.

The car conversations to and from Beth’s house were the more or less juicy parts. My mother still fears I am pregnant. She even flat out told me, “Tell me when you get your period so I can stop worrying about you”. And she was freaking out about the fact that Chris might be at Beth’s party, which is totally ludicrous. Beth and Chris just don’t mix that well, sort of like oil and water. But of course, my mother’s trust is something I don’t possess, so I endure all the backbiting and ruthlessness. It’s like something keeps reminding her of my mistakes, and she keeps reminding me, and I continue to feel like shit. Every car ride I’ve had today after Beth’s party, I’ve cried. It was getting ridiculous…but the second less dramatic/traumatic episode was more of happiness and thankfulness I guess. The same song played both times I was in the car. It had to be Him. It was “Forgiven” by Sanctus Real. And I can’t believe how it spoke to me…it made me feel so much better, even when my mother was putting me down. Then after that played on the happier cry, there was another song right after it, talking about how God knows about what’s going to happen to us even when we’re precious little children, blissfully unaware. It said something along the lines of “storms will rage and waves will crash around, but you will be safe, in My arms”. And these images began to flood my mind of God just crying…like in absolute despair. And when I wanted to know the cause of such a thing, I saw myself clawing my way out of His arms when all He wanted to do was hold me and keep me safe. It broke me, and I just couldn’t keep myself from tearing and choking up. It’s beautiful…

I went to Hobby Lobby to venture out for the face paint for our show. I only got some prototypes because I’m afraid it won’t work…and or the colors won’t be right. I also got some beads, including one glass pendant with a brightly colored blue flower on the inside. I hope that works out well. I’m not sure if I have the right sort of beads to complement it, or I could just go plain, but I would hope she wouldn’t like that so much. If she’s anything like I think she is, she’s a bit on the less simple side.

Shrimp with penne glazed with white wine sauce with asparagus and cherry tomatoes. I know one of you is really grossed out right now, and the tomatoes tasted a little fake considering they came out of a frozen food bag. Part of it got stuck in my teeth at one time and I was a little freaked out. I’m finishing up my evening with Julie & Julia which is turning out to be pretty cute. 

I had a dream last night…Jeserae tried to sell us out to my mother, in the middle of some huge forest at a church camp/retreat. I remember standing in a drive-thru as well. It was odd babe, let me tell you.

Well I must get downstairs to avoid my mother figuring out this isn’t my anatomy project which is due quite soon. Friday to be exact. Oh dear.

I love you Christopher Michael Parker,
MC

Day 11

Today we were on a two hour delay....Mr. Smith was surprised about the massive amounts of tardy people. He also dicussed the recent events of a rather old lady in a wheelchair getting pummeled by a drag car tire and dying. He said he shouldn't find that so humorous, but he giggled none the less. He also dubbed me a medal winner....take THAT Jarrod Edwards! Pre-Cal...wasn't as intense as I thought it would be. Hopefully I'm at least 5 points away from an A so I can go to math lab and finally bring up my 86 average in there considering we don't get homework grades or anything. Anatomy, we had a sort of surprise quiz, but I think I did alright (today was a brilliant day for me). We did some virtual surgeries, and I decided the human body under the skin is disgusting. I can handle the concept of muscle, bone, and blood working together in diagrams and books, but when you show me real life pictures, I vomit a little. Concert band....I can barely stand it. I'm SO far behind with all the cymbal sectionals we've been having during class, and being behind on the songs makes me not enjoy playing so much. It's a little selfish, I know, but playing the same song over and over again, and still not being able to play it, ticks me off a little.

I HATE WINTER. PERIOD. If I ever live in a northern state, I will literally slit my wrists (make a mental note Christopher).

I got to talk to him a little today via Ashley....I woke him up. :( It seems like he's skipping out on a lot of schooling lately, which worries me. Education comes first because it'll pay off in the long run. Especially if he wants to have a family with me. I don't even know if the career I take will be enough for us. What I'm interested in and what I'm good at, just don't seem to line up at all. I'm going to be one of those undecided ones probably....(told you women are indecisive.)

Tomorrow I have an awful lot to take care of...hopefully. I need to get this all done tomorrow. Stupid Jacob H. doesn't understand that you shouldn't put eye black on your lips...you need black lipstick, like legit stuff. Black lipstick (which is what everyone else will be using) has a sort of purple-ish hue to it, and it's quite cool. Eye black will look totally different...and not awesome. After Beth's party, I have to find some way to get to Ashley's house to pick her up and then get to Hobby Lobby for the face paint, beads, and some family bandanas because I think shirts will be a little expensive considering no one has paid or even told me their size. One size fits all on bandanas....at least I hope. Aaron's might be too small because his cranium is so freaking huge (see what I did there? I avoided the "that's what she said" by using one of the terms I learned in Anatomy :D).

It's Taco Friday, so I'm quite excited and actually surprisingly hungry, even though I just bought a new bag of those Starburst jellybeans...I would not eat any other brand of jellybeans..maybe those odd flavor ones that sell at movie theaters, but not likely because after reading and watching Harry Potter, I don't really trust jellybeans all that much.

Winter, what are you doing? Can't you clearly see that it is spring? We weren't even talking enough for you to become attached to me....you are not on my list of potentials.

Addie and Tobias had a little standoff this afternoon. Toby is my sister's cat that we have to watch while she is moved to Holland. He has never seen grass before. Or for that matter anything outside her apartment in Boston. Maybe to the vet, but he was so much the king of that castle, they probably had the vet brought to him. So, Addie was perched on her throne on top of the love seat, and Toby had pushed his way out of the basement. He had wandered around, surveying his territory, until he got to the arm of the love seat. They were about a yard away from each other, and Toby stands up on his hind legs and starts hissing at Addie. Addie just gives him this scowl and she doesn't even bother to do anything about him because as soon as Toby hisses the second time, he high-tails it back to the laundry room, scared out of his mind. So as of today, the score stands: Addie-1, Tobias-0. Addie's a lioness, and Toby merely a house cat.

I hope nothing else exciting happens today or else I will surely not be able to handle it...much less write about it.

I love you,
More than you love me,
MC.

Day 10

I got to see him today....which was so marvelous, I could barely take my eyes off him to even focus (his fault, Mr. Palmer). I just figured out how hard this whole abstinence* thing is going to be. After practice (which was quite intense, I hope he liked my fierceness), he drove me back to the school where we got to hang out and talk. We were so...perfect. It was like the most beautiful blend of human relationships you could ever get. But even with that, we just get so caught up in ourselves, that we can lose sight of what we can and cannot do. I like it when that happens, but I can't really let that happen now, can I? Do I just have to play my parents' game and then after they approve it's back to business as usual? Or is it just to be righteous? I would like to see how far we can go, but I just have the feeling, that he'll get me to give in somehow. Or I'll want him so badly, I'll just have to have him....especially with Spartanburg* coming up. He knows what kind of influence he has over me, which could be very bad..or very very good.

About prom, I don't know if I can go with CJ because my mother knows about what he did to get Chris and I to hang out. Travis told my mother about him picking me up and taking me to the movies where we met Chris...and the afterward. She probably won't let me go with him so yet again I am dateless. I could ask a couple sophomores or something because my junior hopes are too high. At least high enough for me to want to go down a grade.

OOH! Before I forget, I need to ask him what Emily's (Hall) favorite color is. I want to thank her for all she's done to help him out, and I only know about one way to do that....so let me know.

I've been eating fortune cookies these past few days because I have up snack cakes and soda for Lent. I opened one today and I thought it was totally appropriate, and it would really rock if this were reality. It said "you will receive some high prize or reward soon." I entered this contest yesterday, and I would really like to win it, but everything's subjective when it comes to things like this, but....I really want to win. I doubt I will though. :(

I finished out my evening with my one of my favorite movies, and my mom asked me why I was in such a good mood. The excuse I gave her: exercise improves your mood. The real excuse: I talked to my best friend and true love today.

I love you,
MC

Day 9

Well, I got to talk to him today. :) Can't even fathom how lucky that was. I had SOOOO much to tell him about, but of course, I listened to him talk about making and possibly doing Spirit. I'm a little disappointed because I barely might be able to see him, but I'm so unbelieveably excited that I'm going to be dating a guy in a drum corps....and I'm glad that he realizes that he doesn't have long for drum corps compared to how long we'll be together.

I'm a little worried about next school year. I know, a little early to be thinking about that but it's really not. I have to decide whether or not I'm even going to take both band classes, much less try out for drum major. I would really like to take general or musical theatre because I always like to be a part of something great. I'm not sure if I should do theatre or drum major, because if I got drum major or even a lead role in the play we would perform, I'm not sure I could step up. I'm less of a leader than I thought I was. I'm more of a follower in the sense that if you tell me how to do something, I'll do it. Kinda like I'm a lover not a fighter, but I'll fight for what I love.

I've been writing some songs lately. I don't have notes for the melody, but I have them stuck in my head and I could sing them back. I can't be so sure what note names are, and I can hear the piano chords and parts moving around in my head. Maybe my special someone can help me out with those.

Oh and the best part about my conversation with him today...
He might be coming home to see me tomorrow. :)

Absolutely wonderful.

I love you,
MC

Day....whatever, 8 I think.

I don't want to quit over the summer. I'm not pansying out of this. I'm so proud of you for making Spirit and I'm glad you learned what's best for you. I will always be here. Spirit will not.

I love you,
MC

P.S. Having no cell phone and Facebook SUCKS.